Our cycle. The cycle. What a cycle.

I started my period during gym class - I was 13 and 8 months. I been lying to my friends for three months that I had already started because I was so embarrassed it had taken me so long to start. I thought something was wrong with me and felt left out of the journey everyone else had begun without trying. So, when I did actually start, I couldn’t tell anyone because the absurdity of my lie would be exposed.

My parents were out of town, I didn’t know my sitter very well, and I don’t know why I

didn’t tell my older sister. I knew what it was so I wasn’t scared, I was excited I had

finally joined the club but I choose, for some reason, to hide it from everyone and threw

the evidence into the bottom of my laundry bin. I failed to consider that it would eventually be discovered and that it would be something I would need to tell someone at some point… namely my mom. Until then, a wad of toilet paper did the trick. Ish. 

My mother came back and did laundry and asked me if I had something to share. A needless question because she knew already, but a starter nonetheless. I muttered something when she pressed giving me the answer she was seeking then she walked me to my father and proclaimed, “Bruce, Juliana is a woman now.”

A woman now. Because I had started my period. At 13 and 8 months. What was I at 13

and 7 months I wondered. A girl?

I sit here today, 53 with the first month I do not have my period. The first month of never

having my period again. I went into surgical menopause at 52 and 11 months when I

made the decision to have a total hysterectomy.

I had 5 weeks to mull over the notion that came full circle. If I was a woman because I

had my period, what was now as a woman who no longer bled?

I had my period for 39 years and 4 months excluding three pregnancies. And fun fact,

the last year of my period blessed me with bleeding every 2 weeks most months… so if

the average of my bleeding was 5 days per cycle, I bled ~2,260 days of my life. I had

cramps, sore breasts, mood swings, bloating, GI changes, acne, fatigue, and weight

gain alongside of those bleeding days. It is amazing to think of how much menstruation

is a part of our lives as uterus owners.

Our cycle. The cycle. What a cycle.

Monthly. Yearly. A season of life. A lifetime.

In this column moving forward, the focus will be on vagina- / vulva- / uterus-havers. For

those who have some or all the reproductive parts associated with the biologic gender

of being female. I will explore the social-constructs of gender, biology, and being a

woman in the time period of typical menstruation. I will cover various topics from beginning to end with less of an emphasis on pregnancy – more so, most of our month-to-month lives.

This column is for those who identify as female from birth, or maybe later in life, and for

those who love and are curious about the menstrual experience of uterus and vagina

owners. The foundation of my work is holistic in that I believe in examining everything in

micro and macro levels and seeing a topic within its greater contexts. All efforts will be

made to be inclusive in language and stories. All notes, topic suggestions, and

questions will always be welcomed.

I wanted to write a column that focuses on the entirety of our experience as beings who

have cycles – monthly, seasonally, yearly, and throughout our lifetime. To remind us that

our monthly cycle details matter and seeing the lifetime of our cycles matters as well.

I believe life improves when we infuse purpose and intention into our days and I also

believe that agency is a concept we all should know, practice, and advance in our

relationships. I conceptualize agency as having a high awareness of self that guides

you to making aligned decisions rooted in purpose and intention. In The Cycle, agency

will show up in a variety of ways, not limited to: medical agency, body agency,

relationship agency, and the personal skill of agency.

From a young age, girls are taught that periods are secretive, taboo, and dirty, but also

as a club you enter. A membership that has secrecy, dread, excitement, mundane, pain,

and possibilities. We are taught it is natural but also disgusting. Without a manual

spelling it out, we somehow know we whisper to others in the club that you are a

member but also to not talk about it openly.

There is a before and after moment to it.

We learn new products, new habits, new pains, new body parts, new fears.

We are now in a group that could get pregnant. This is a marvel. It is also a liability.

There is a danger to it as well as a wonder. Our bodies. Our mensurating bodies now

can “ruin a future, create a family, cause sorrow, bring death, open a portal to

Sacredness.”

As we advance through our menstrual years, we learn to push through pain – to work

through our cramps. To wash blood-stained pants. To have home remedies for the

plethora of symptoms that come with our cycles. We push through it all because that is

what we are shown must happen and our lives can’t just stop.

Some become exposed to the energy cycles of our menstrual cycles. Honor the inner

wintering during the time of bleeding. See the power of each of the four phases of our

menstrual cycle.

We have embarrassing things happen because of our periods. We learn to mourn if a

period begins when hoping for pregnancy and be relieved if hoping to not be pregnant.

We hide tampons and pads in our purses, in our grocery carts, in our bathrooms. We

learn to clean the sheets after period sex or avoid it altogether. We create period

underwear collections.

What a crazy dynamic. To turn a natural and necessary bodily function and process into

a categorically referenced repugnance?

It is time to disavow this notion. It is time to unlearn and disown these societal

constraints and move into seeing a sacred power and wisdom of menstruation. There

are many degree in which to do so. You don’t have to save your monthly blood and

fertilze trees with it, but you can. Have agency in how you begin a new relationship with

your menstrual cycle no matter where you are within it. It is a powerful shift to do so.

Do it for yourself first. But also do it for the collective. We need each of us to embrace all

the phases, iterations and sacredness of our menstrual cycles. We need to see the

celebration of it, the reverence of it and the normalcy of it.

We need to understand it. To learn the science of it.

We need to reclaim it as something that is to be revered not shame filled.

Here are some perspectives I began examining when I wanted to decide how I felt

about my menarch and not just go along with what society said I should think about it.

Read the topic and answer your truth. What do YOU really think about the notion or

perspective. What do you want to change? What do you want to embrace more fully?

What remains a question to have curiosity about moving forward?

1. It is a multi dimensional diagnostic tool.

2. It is a demander of self care practices.

3. It is a gift to embrace.

4. It is an educator of stress management.

5. It is a key component of bringing humans to life.

6. It can be a powerful inner guidance system.

7. It is a normal bodily function.

How would your life change if you decided to embrace the importance and existence of

all aspects of your cycle in a positive, affirming manner?

My journey has had many variations of the above. Some times I was highly aware of

my period, other times completely vexed and sometimes ignored it all together . All of

that is fine and part of the collective journey to change the cycle of our Cycle.