Do you have a brat kink? What it means to be a 'brat' in BDSM
Naima Karp
Not sure if you want to turn your brat summer into a brat autumn? Read on to find out.
Charli XCX might have put brat summer on the map, but the word has long been a staple in the kink community, and it’s so much more than a seasonal trend. Although Charli XCX describes it as a girl who’s “honest, blunt, and volatile,” that’s not exactly what it means in the broader kink community. Not sure if you want to turn your brat summer into a brat autumn? Read on to find out. Lisa Finn, lead sex educator at Babeland, shares her expert tips with us on this fascinating dynamic within the BDSM world.
What is a brat?
A brat plays into BDSM power dynamics, but you might be more familiar with the terms “dom” and “sub.” A brat is essentially a sub who enjoys provoking a dominant by acting badly, and the dom punishes them for said bratty behavior. They love to question dominance and authority (if this is you, you may have just found your new favorite bedroom activity) and like to have dominance be proven to them rather than giving in immediately.
Although a brat is known to get a little feisty, how they act is determined by limits that the dom and sub do together. Like any BDSM play, establishing clear lines of communication and consent is critical before entering a scene. Boundaries must be negotiated beforehand. But what exactly does a brat do? There’s no set definition, but here are some activities a brat might engage in.
What is a brat tamer?
Just like it sounds, this is the person who tames the brat. If you’re not afraid of a challenge or enjoy a little spice from your partner, this might be the perfect kink for you to explore. Many perceive a brat tamer as a dominant who provides strictness or discipline to a submissive who is acting disobedient or naughty.
A brat tamer doesn’t want someone who’s just going to do what they say without any pushback - in fact, the nature of this role means that they enjoy handling bratty behavior and interpret it as playful instead of rude. Still, a brat tamer isn’t afraid to teach their sub a lesson in the face of disobedience; that’s why the sub is acting up in the first place!
The importance of communication
If this kink piques this curiosity, speaking with your partner is an essential first step.
Finn shares, before you start any of your brat/brat tamer dynamics, talk together about expectations within this dynamic. Discuss wants, needs, and boundaries before you start your scene by engaging in some pre-scene negotiation and setting safe words. Because this form of role play often involves both physical and mental/emotional play, you want to make sure you dive in deep and allow yourself lots of space to check in as you first start navigating the dynamic together.”
Ways to play as a brat and brat tamer
Not sure where to get started? Finn suggests exploring these three things.
Impact play: Impact play is a perfect way to explore a disciplinary power dynamic and can include spanking or hitting. Of course, you can use your hand, but you can also explore with crops, floggers, and whips. Stick to fleshy areas and stay away from vital organs.
Dirty Talk: Finn calls this “a really hot way to play with a brat dynamic” and suggests using phrases that challenge authority, like “make me,” “oh yeah?,” “prove it,” or “I dare you.”
Bondage: Bondage can be seen as a way to control a “smart mouth.” Finn expands, “A brat tamer might want to play with bondage by way of using a ball gag or bit gag to physically prevent their brat from talking back. Using oral as a form of ‘corrective’ play can be really hot, too – using the body as the thing that’s stopping the brat from using their mouth to turn on the sass, and leaning into the control dynamic.”
If speech is impeded, establish a non-verbal safe word signal such as clapping, tapping, or making some other hand signal or sound.
Now that you know the brat basics, go have yourself a happy brat fall.
Want more from Naima Karp? Check out...