Poop Happens, and Other Sex Concerns

Anal sex. When it comes to sex acts, it’s hard to find two words that evoke such a powerful response. There are those who, of course, love it and can’t get enough of it — and, yes, some of these people have vulvas instead of a prostate. Then there are those who can’t fathom anal sex even existing in the same realm as them, let alone that it might be wildly delicious, fun, and pleasurable. Well, in news that just might shake you to the core, anal sex can, indeed, be wildly delicious, fun, and (very!) pleasurable. That is, if you know what you’re getting yourself into before you give it a go.

Contrary to rumors, anal sex doesn’t hurt. Or rather, it shouldn’t hurt. “Uncomfortable, but never painful,” says sex educator and dildo slinger Dirty Lola. “Pain is a big stop sign. A waving red flag. It means you need to stop what you’re doing and reassess.” If you’re experiencing any level of pain, then it’s time to ask some questions: Is the plug, penis, or dildo too big? Is more lube needed? Maybe this isn’t the best position? “Discomfort comes with the territory because you’re stretching muscles that haven’t been stretched before,” says Lola. “It takes some time to get used to the sensations and to figure out what sensations you enjoy and what your goals are.” If you’re thinking you can nip any possible pain in the bud by opting for lube that features numbing agents, Lola strongly suggests staying away from such products. After all, if you’re numb, you can’t feel the pain, so you don’t know when enough is enough and it’s time to stop.

Another concern that tends to get a lot of not-so necessary attention is the possibility of there being — wait for it — poop. Well, if you do the math on this one, it’s easy to see why poop might be part of the anal sex equation. “You’re putting something up where poop comes from,” says Lola. “That’s like showing up to a party and expecting no people.” But just because you’re indulging in that particular orifice doesn’t mean poop is a guarantee, nor does it mean that you can’t take steps to minimize it, or even prevent it entirely.

For example, pooping before sex, then taking a shower with soap and a washcloth is the easiest and very least you can do. “Yes, you need to concentrate on your booty hole in the shower,” says Lola. “Shallow douching can also help but it’s not necessary for newbies and casual butt play.” It also helps if you know your body and when you’re most likely to have a bowel movement. If you know you always have to poop right after your morning coffee, then engaging in anal sex during that time slot isn’t the best idea — unless that’s your kink and if so, go for it. Lola suggests that if you’re really worried, then using condoms can make any poop situation less of a mess. It’s also worth noting that STIs can be transmitted anally, not just vaginally, so if you’re not fluid bonded with your partner, condoms should be absolutely included.

“What you should be concerned about during anal is making sure you’re relaxed, very lubricated, and that you aren’t rushing or inserting [something] too big for where you are in your journey,” says Lola. “Failing to do these things can result in tears and further discomfort.” If you know that you have hemorrhoids, colitis, or similar health issues, then you want to pay extra attention to how you navigate anal sex. “The last thing you want to do is aggravate an existing health problem,” says Lola. Having to be out of commission for an extended period of time because you didn’t listen to your body is never any fun, especially if you realize anal sex is your thing. 

If your big anal sex concern is that it’s too taboo a subject to even consider, then take solace in knowing that anal sex — yes, even among heterosexual people — has become more common. According to a 2017 study published in AIDS and Behavior, 36% of women and 44% of men, ages 25 to 44, have had heterosexual anal intercourse (HAI) at least once. The researchers surmise that the increase in percentages may have more to do with people admitting to having anal sex, as opposed to them actually having more of it.

Whether you have anal sex or not, is up to you. But if it’s your first time, you want to make sure you choose to have it with the right person. The right person is going to be willing to take the time to talk about your concerns, really hear them, and be open. “I can give you all the butt stuff tips in the world but none of it matters if the person you’re exploring with isn’t equally educated, understanding, and most of all willing to go at your speed,” says Lola. “I promise that talking it out will go a long way to soothing your nerves.” It will also help make any surprise poop appearances not such a big deal. 

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