Yes, even you can learn to squirt
Amanda Chatel
Consider this your official Squirting 101 — a lesson in all things squirting-related.
Even if you’ve never seen squirting in porn, in which there’s definitely plenty of it going on, you’ve probably heard of it. If you haven’t heard of it, then consider this your official Squirting 101 — a lesson in all things squirting-related.
As the name implies, squirting is a release of fluid from the body during arousal. In this particular case, the body belongs to someone with a vulva and is very different from the substance that’s ejaculated when someone with a penis climaxes. “Squirting could be concurrent with an orgasm, but is not necessarily an indicator,” says sex educator and world record holder of volume squirting Lola Jean. “For some, this is as a result of a certain type of stimulation, for others this happens every time their body reaches a certain level of pleasure.”
Squirting, which is also known as female ejaculation, is released through the urethra. Because of this, squirting is far too often dismissed as merely urine, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. While the bladder is involved in squirting, so are the Skene’s glands, which are conveniently located on the lower end of the urethra of those who are assigned female at birth, which also adds to the misconception of it being urine. But it can’t be stated enough: it’s not urine. However, minimal traces of urine can be found in it, simply because of how it’s expelled.
“During arousal, the bladder wall relaxes, allowing more fluid to enter,” says sex therapist Heather Shannon, LCPC. When we become aroused, blood heads due south to the genital region so that area can become engorged and ready to, for lack of more eloquent wording, show up to the party and deliver. In the process, the Skene’s glands, too, become swollen. “This increased pressure can build up to a release of fluid from the urethra, fluid that is clear, watery, and an odorless substance.” According to Shannon, this fluid is a combination of a few things, one of which happens to be diluted liquid from the bladder (hence the urine myth) and prostatic specific antigen (PSA) from the Skene’s glands. No, those who are assigned female at birth don’t have a prostate, but the Skene’s glands are often referred to as the female prostate due to their similarities to the male prostate.
What’s interesting about squirting is that from an evolutionary standpoint, it doesn’t seem to serve a purpose. Sure, when a man ejaculates into someone with a uterus who’s ovulating, there’s the potential for conception, but female ejaculation isn’t impregnating anyone. Because there doesn’t seem to be a concrete answer to the question of why squirting occurs, it’s regarded as somewhat of a mystery among scientists.
According to a 2015 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, squirting is a “phenomenon” and “both the nature and the origin of squirting remain controversial.” While it may be both a phenomenon and controversial, no one can dispute the fact that it exists and that some people with the necessary organs to produce this particular fluid are squirting. But that raises the question: Can anyone who was assigned female a birth and doesn’t have a penis squirt? Short answer: probably.
“Squirting comes from the stimulation of the spongy erectile tissue on the superior entrance of the vagina,” says certified sexuality educator Amber Mallery, MPH. While stimulating that area is going to feel amazing, if you actually want to be able to squirt, you need to recognize that this is your intention and take steps to make it happen. Starting with intaking lots of fluid, because a dehydrated body is struggling enough to get by day-to-day, let alone release excess fluid.
“Be hydrated — truly hydrated,” says Mallery. “Not chugging water just before you try to squirt, but keep yourself well hydrated throughout the day.” Afterall, a well hydrated body, in addition to being more likely to be able to squirt, feels and looks better. You also want to relax, if you’re going into any sex-related activity with the mindset that “I have to squirt,” then all bets are off. “Let go of any particular outcome,” says Shannon. “You’re just hanging out doing some sexy things.”
Once you’ve committed to letting go of expectations, don’t hit the gas hoping to race to the finish line. Not to be cliché, but Rome was not built in a day and the same can be said about learning squirting. Why? Because great things take time. “Start slow, start by just stimulating yourself or a partner,” says Mallery. “Squirting comes through stimulation and arousal. So it is important to take the time to explore pleasure and sensation instead of rushing to squirt.” Mallery also strongly suggests using lube during this process. If you’ve yet to experience the slip-sliding, amazing benefits of lube, you’re missing out. For far too long, lube was considered something that was only used for anal penetration or was for people who were menopausal and postmenopausal. But the reality is that lube is for everyone — no matter age or the sex act involved. Wetter is better and that’s a mantra that all sexually active folks should embrace.
When you’re ready, it’s time to hit the money spot with your fingers, a toy with a hard C-shaped arc, or your partner’s fingers. Although it might be best, during your first attempt, to explore this one on your own. “Use the tip of your fingers or toy and press them firming on the spongy erectile tissue on the inside of the vagina towards your mons,” says Mallery. (Side note: your mons is your pubic bone.) “Then, you will move your arm, but not fingers, in a tugging motion, almost like you are pulling your arm away, while keeping that pressure pressing up.” It’s at this point, with the tugging happening and pressure increasing that Mallery advises you to communicate with your partner — if you’re trying this during partnered sex — by asking what feels good and leaning into exploration. “That [physical aspect] partnered with some dirty talk or maybe kisses around the area can lead you to success,” says Mallery. “Keep in mind some people squirt from clitoral stimulation as well. Ultimately it’s about exploring ourselves and giving in to pleasure.”
After all that, then comes the question: how do I know if I squirted? Based on what we see in porn, if you haven’t flooded the bed, your partner, and pretty much half the room, whether or not you squirted can be, frankly, up in the air.
“Volume isn’t something you can necessarily control, nor would you want to,” says Lola, who clearly knows a thing or two about squirting and the potential volume that can come with it. “I wish I didn’t produce as much as I do. Different people will have different reserves. If you want to try to limit your volume, I wish I had an answer for you. If you want to increase your volume, you can try continuing the stimulation [while you’re] squirting.”
On the flip side, if you followed the instructions to a tee and you know, without a doubt, that you haven’t squirted, then the most important thing you can do is not sweat it. While anyone with a vagina has the possibility to squirt, it doesn’t mean that everyone can, per se, actually squirt.
“I don’t like to put this pressure on people, because there are so many reasons why some people can or cannot,” says Mallery. “Many people can, but even more people stress themselves out and mentally cannot relax to get there. Some people’s bodies may not be able to because they have something else that physiologically is impacting them.” As Mallery explains, she used to squirt all the time naturally, so much so that she untrained herself to do it. But now here she is a full decade after having trained herself to hold it and these days she’s struggling to squirt again. “I think it’s the pressure I’m putting on myself to be like my teens and early twenties self,” says Mallery.
Let’s be honest: if you have a vulva, you’re already at a sexual satisfaction deficit. According to study after study and numerous research, the orgasm gap is alive and well. No matter how we slice it, when it comes to heterosexual engagements, the person with the vulva is on the losing end. This is just an indisputable fact. So as much as squirting might be your goal, if you’ve yet to master having an orgasm with a partner or alone, then that should be your focus. Compared to an orgasm, squirting is just a side note.
“I wouldn’t get too hung up on squirting, to be honest,” says Shannon. “There are so many ways to connect to your body, your pleasure, and your partners. Squirting is just one of them, and it’s not any better or worse than the other ways.” In other words, if you can squirt, that’s great! But if you can’t, no matter how hard you try, it’s important to know that the lack of it isn’t infringing upon your satisfaction or that of your partner. You may, without thinking about it, squirt during future sexual encounters, but if you don’t and your sexual satisfaction is where you need to be, then that's what matters most.
Want more from Amanda Chatel? Check out...